March 24, 2021. I am afraid to be a leader. Assassination. Cancellation. Overwhelm. Paranoia. Fatigue. Assassination. Limitation. Disappointment. Disappointing. Constrained. Assassination. Frustration. Boundary-less. Loneliness. Rage. Assassination. I am afraid to be a leader [who is an honest authentic loud dark-skinned queer woman of color because I don’t want to be assassinated].
Author Archives: Rajani Gudlavalleti
12 Hours
12:30 AM on January 20, 2021 Honestly, I keep forgetting. Then I’m like, oh right his Twitter account was removed or oh hey those white militia men are still down the 95 or oh damn her middle name is “Devi.” Then I am brought back in to this pivotal moment. Ever so briefly shook. InContinue reading “12 Hours”
life amidst death
January 1, 2021 Life amidst death. Right now, this is how I choose to capture the year 2020. Within these three words — life amidst death — there is a universe. An ever-evolving, ever-adapting, beyond comprehension, heart-wrenching, heart-expanding, destructive, chaotic, sensible universe. If not for 2020, it may have taken me far too long toContinue reading “life amidst death”
Liberation?
Originally written: November 25, 2019 | Revised: November 22, 2020 Being successful in whatever you do is in itself an act of liberation and resistance. “Surviving and Resisting Hate: A Toolkit for People of Color” Dr. Hector Y. Adames & Dr. Nayeli Y. Chavez-Dueñas (2017) I want for this quote to guide me — andContinue reading “Liberation?”
Untangling Hinduism: Liberation for South Asians?
November 14, 2020 I have taken this year to better understand what I mean by liberation and then begin to build the pieces to achieve it. It feels hypocritical — and exhausting — to be a harm reduction and racial justice community organizer demanding justice for all people marginalized by state violence if I don’tContinue reading “Untangling Hinduism: Liberation for South Asians?”
unprecedented.
November 2020 Been trying to write on how I’ve been feeling/coping/breathing/stressing since the presidential election results came in on November 7, 2020. Thankfully, Black and Brown folks (majority women, of course) have illustrated the array of experiences running through my body. So I present here 10 screenshots, in this curated order, that represent some piecesContinue reading “unprecedented.”
This Raksha Bandhan:
Let Us Protect One Another & Abolish the Police State August 2020 Gratitude to Equality Labs (@EqualityLabs1) and Velivada (@velivada) for inspiring and informing this piece. #RakshaBandan #Rakhi #CasteintheUS #StopHinduFascism #StopGenocideinIndia #SouthAsiansforBlackLives #BlackLivesMatter
loss.
July 2020 I looked back on my last texts with Avis and fell into deep regret. One of the last things she said to me, in early May, was “hit me up when you slow down.” I never slowed down. I called my mom. They met once. I am so grateful they met that once.Continue reading “loss.”
Asian Woman.
Published in Baltimore Asian Resistance in Solidarity’s 5-Year Anniversary Zine, February 28, 2020. (Originally written December 3, 2018) November 1834— Fetishized and feminized body brought to this land for exhibition consumption degradation White Gaze Capitalizing Manufacturing The Exotic Asian Woman Placed and displaced body brought to this land for resilience resonance resistance Say her nameContinue reading “Asian Woman.”
Asian.
Published in the Baltimore Asian Resistance in Solidarity 5-Year Anniversary Zine, February 28, 2020. The round almond curves of my eyes outlined by long black lashes are brightened by the gold in my pupils. The warm walnut brown shade of my skin tone lightens to a cashew pale at my palms and darkens to anContinue reading “Asian.”
rajani gudlavalleti 