May 5, 2023
What are you afraid to explore in your heritage?
In my family, our hearts and our minds are sensitive to illness. High cholesterol, cardiac arrest, clogged arteries, depression, anxiety, anger. My curiosity about somatic care has inspired me to look into the roots of these illnesses throughout my lineage. How does it live in my body? How do I manifest it in my relationships?
I am searching for explanation, relief, release. I feel this investigation can (and possibly must) send me into depths I have avoided. Dark corners containing harm or even violence. Currents of power, abusive and unwieldy.
My high-caste Brahmin family is not without these dark currents and powerful currents. To inspect our Brahmin supremacy is to face a heritage of denial. Oppressors’ decisions are made in the name of future generations. To claim and hoard resources and power to pass on to their children. To keep in the family.
I am afraid to know what has been done in my name. However, in order to transform–which I am desperate to do– I must ask myself: what am I willing to inherit and take with me? What am I able to unclog from my heart?
We are all connected to each other, at our best and at our worst.
The instances of visible dissonance, harm, and abuse in movement are evidence of toxicity in our intersecting systems of identity, belonging, resource, power, and home.
One toxic substance is supremacy, so ubiquitous that it has long been invisible to those benefiting from it and can seem desirable to those suffering from it.”
adrienne maree brown (2020). “We Will Not Cancel Us: And Other Dreams of Transformative Justice” (pg.8).
rajani gudlavalleti 